Dream #1.

It is bright. The sort of bright that occurs when you walk out into the sunlight after leaving a dark house or room. I smell the heat of tar minutely melting on the asphalt; the heat is uncomfortable. The farther I walk, the greater a sense of unease builds. I have been on this road before, many times before yet I recognize nothing. But my feet drag me on and on until I reach a dirty white house. It is a large colonial, with big windows. The lawn and trees are not taken care of, there are leaves and overgrown bushes everywhere. Internally I freak out as soon I see this home. As I walk up the driveway I realize I'm doing my utmost to sneak up into the side/backyard, I have no interest in being recognized and seen. I sneak into the side yard without being seen and breath a sigh of relief. There's a river that runs behind the house, a aesthetic that I don't remember ever existing yet somehow knowing that it exists now. As I walk toward it I realize there is a child playing in the leaves in the backyard, a little girl. As I speak to her I realize that it's the first woman I ever loved but at what point in time we are I have no idea. She's barely 5 yrs old and I think I am either my age now or moderately into my old age. She ask's me:
She:"why'd you leave me all alone?"
Me:"I'm sorry, I don't know. I just couldn't anymore."
She:"But you had promised."
Me:"I know. I shouldn't have promised."

Her childish nonchalance of playing with the leaves and rolling around as she asks these questions disturbs me greatly as I sit at her feet. We sit in silence, listening to the wind in the trees and the hot summer sun baking the earth. I stand up to go and everything fades to black.

8/15/11

There's ten thousand children dying a month in Somalia.

There is a democratic monetary system being utilized through stock market investment yet the shareholders are misguided primates in their fluctuation of investments.

The country of Yemen is almost completely out of water. They will be completely dried up in 3 yrs.

My brain is being mapped at this very moment and I am starting to watch myself chemically react.

Is it better to be a slave with room overhead or a savage being chased through the jungle by a lion?

I have no idea.

8/8/11