creative piece I've written close to 2-3 yrs ago. Times are changing.

It happened through the hot summer wind,
we submerged our burning skin,
we enticed, we crept like mice and in the earliest light we quietly spliced...
whatever it means when kids ask "did you do it?": we did it- Hard.

from the start i poured my everything into being the most lovable to you, i vomited money, time, energy, my very life in the hopes that i would be lovable, that I could buy and change my way into being worthy of the love of another person...
i tore my heart out, pounded and crushed it into a tiny heart shaped silver ring,
and then in my insecurity, i asked you to promise dedicate yourself to me, i needed you to tell me, NO MATTER WHAT, I ALWAYS LOVE YOU...but you never did. and there is no one to blame but I.

how could you promise to love me for the rest of your life when it had only just begun?? i was the foolish romantic, I was the instigator and facilitator of my fall into the self-dug pit,
and yet in the end, with all the fear that it would be I who dies the horrible death of rejection,
I killed you. 

I promised you bunnies, a girl and a boy. I promised you happiness, a Home, a life that you dreamed of- I PROMISED YOU THE WORLD. and instead I ran.

I ran faster and harder than I have ever,
I burned my tracks into the roads and sidewalks leading away from you, anything to leave you behind. and you were left staring like a blank screen, crying and hoping the electronic memories would hold you, comfort you and tell you it would be ok, perhaps this was just a bad fight and not really the end... 

i erased you from my life, any scientist could logically prove it with facts,
but you can never be erased.

there is still a deep hunger for those moments spent together in which the end is so near and the ticking time so intensely bittersweet, and every second i left you cried,
begged me to stay..
you always wished you were strong like me, thinking it was my faith and strength in the love we shared. but you were never witness to the cold 5am airport terminals. the plane rides away. the trips to the ridiculously small and cramped airplane bathrooms mid flight to squeeze into a tiny ball atop the toilet seat and flood the plane with my pain, my sadness my longing to Just HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS.

I saw you still wear my ring in a recent picture. I do not understand what this means but I do know that from the jump I feel in my heart, the sleepless nights I am encountering and the longing in my soul:       BLANK    .

A Poem to a 18 yr old with a broken heart